tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32658098435497387992024-02-07T17:52:54.213-07:00The Mean Streets of Apache JunctionThe trailer parks foremost fartist.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06094308414403982071noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-6733984087215201012015-12-24T09:58:00.000-07:002015-12-24T14:05:03.936-07:00O. Henry's Gift of the Nerdgi<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFCOhlCYPxDMNpoQbwXEmi0xhyphenhypheniSiL9_zfC_25keXMrCrSER8Drd2f0GOCfD37pDgcmyY9pXJfsKGh6PL6gOCRsLeDeIDZtouH68gLGScbbDhPCWPiTf70a0qwgDTcqiAEojTNT-RlZonS/s1600/maxresdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFCOhlCYPxDMNpoQbwXEmi0xhyphenhypheniSiL9_zfC_25keXMrCrSER8Drd2f0GOCfD37pDgcmyY9pXJfsKGh6PL6gOCRsLeDeIDZtouH68gLGScbbDhPCWPiTf70a0qwgDTcqiAEojTNT-RlZonS/s320/maxresdefault.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Chester awoke and slowly sat up on
his couch and dusted the Dorito crumbs off his vintage Super Mario Brothers
shirt. He noticed his cheesy fingerprints on his Xbox controller and remembered
the all night Halo and junk food binge. It was Christmas Eve and he was
stressed. The late night smorgasbord of killing bad guys and raiding his parents’
pantry of anything and everything tasty did not soothe his distress. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It had
been a hard year for Chester. He had hoped that this was the year he would
finally be able to move out of his parents’ basement into his own place and
then propose to the love of his life. Unfortunately calling a customer stupid
for wanting to get a PlayStation 4 instead of the much superior Xbox one
platform is a one way ticket to unemployment town. “Stupid Customer” Chester
mumbled as he cursed his bad luck.</div>
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His savings were further depleted
when he had to stock up on Mountain Dew and Beef Jerky for his weeks long
campout for the new Star Wars movie. And while it was worth it to protect his
hard earned geek cred, he had no money left to buy a Christmas gift for his
girlfriend Sandy. And this was the core of his conundrum. After 36 years, it
took meeting Sandy in a Hunger Games fan fiction chat room to get Chester to
realize that maybe, just maybe, there was more to life than awesome stuff. He
licked the cheese off his fingers and he felt this lesson weigh on him like the
Incredible Hulk sitting on his chest. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What could Chester do? His bank
account was tapped out. He was too embarrassed to go to his parents for cash.
They remind him every time the topic of money comes up that most men his age
have their own place to live and a job. Their constant harping is enough to
make one give up on their dream of writing comics for a living. Almost, but
Chester just knew his comic “My Little Hello Kitty Pony Ninjas of Doom” would
be his ticket to the big time. And if his parental units didn’t believe him,
Sandy surely did. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Oh Sandy, what am I going to do?”
Chester muttered to himself. He looked around the basement. He had spent years
working to get it exactly the way he wanted. Every Marvel and DC poster placed
perfectly, every Lord of the Rings action figure placed in the perfect order.
Lego sets were lovingly put together and placed around the room. His
collections represented a lifetime of building the ultimate shrine to all
things awesome. However there was thing that wasn’t in his collection any, and
that was his heart. Sandy had it now. Chester desperately wanted to put Sandy’s
heart in his collection. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not in the
scary stabby stalker sort of way, but in a totally metaphorical way. He knew he
had to part ways with a sacred part of his collection to fund his Christmas
purchase for Sandy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
His true love for Sandy dictated
his choice. He took his most prized possession, a super rare limited edition
gold foiled ultra-mega Pikachu Pokémon card. He stared at it and remembered all
the epic battles this card had single handedly won for him over the years.
Losing this companion that has been at his side through so many wars was a
punch to his gut, but he knew Sandy was worth it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The three block walk to the game shop might as
well have been 300 miles. He carried the heavy burden of leaving one love
behind for the love of another. He only hoped that the money made from this gut
wrenching sacrifice would be enough to procure the prize that would be sure to
seal Sandy’s devotion to him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He got a hefty sum for his beloved
Pikachu and he was pleased that the clerk at the shop at least understood the
value of his prized possession. As he clutched his new wad of cash and fought
back tears, he looked around the shop and there he spied it. Up on a shelf,
next to a sweet autographed picture of William Shatner dressed as Captain Kirk
was the rare Kenner, mint in the box, blue snaggletooth action figure that
would complete the ultimate star wars cantina scene that Sandy had spent years
trying to put together. And what was even better he had more than enough money.
Chester’s body tingled at the thought of Sandy opening up this special gift. He
had never done anything like this for someone else before, but then he had
never known anyone as special as Sandy. He couldn’t wait for that evening.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
After what seemed forever Chester’s
phone alarm went off. It was six o’clock and soon Sandy would be there for the
gift exchange. He had enough money left over from his purchase that he was able
to buy a veritable feast of Jack in the Box tacos for him and Sandy to dine on.
The doorbell rang and Chester ran up the basement stairs, through the living
room, and threw open the door. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Hi Sandy” Chester said as
nonchalantly as he could, though she looked ravishing in her retro Battlestar
Galactica T-shirt. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Hey Chester”. She replied. A quick
embrace followed and they both made their way down into the basement. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I bought dinner.” Chester pointed
to the large bag full of greasy corn tortillas filled with beef flavored soy
protein and American cheese and deep fried to oily perfection. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Thanks” Sandy Replied. “I’m not
really hungry. I think I had too many Dorito’s and mountain dews last night
during an all-night Fallout 4 marathon”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Is there any doubt this was the
perfect woman for me” thought Chester.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Anyway, I can’t stay too long, I
got a family thing to get to. I got you this present.” Sandy said. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It’s no big deal” she added as nonchalantly
as she could but the excitement was bubbling up inside her. </div>
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She handed him a small package and
he ripped into the wrapping paper with relish. He marveled at what was inside.
It was a custom made, titanium coated, Pokémon card holder. It was inlaid with
gold filigree and etched with the message “To Chester, my Pikachu in shining
armor”. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I had it made so you can protect
and display your prized Pikachu card” Sandy told Chester</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“No big deal?” Chester thought. He
held in his hand the most amazing gift he had ever been given. “How could you
afford this? I know they cut your hours down at the tattoo parlor” he asked.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sandy
allowed herself to open up and share her true feelings. “Chester, you mean more
than anything to me and these last 6 days have truly been magical. It is true
that money has been tight, but I was able to sell my Star Wars cantina action
figures and had this custom made for you.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sandy
saw Chester’s eyes well up. “Well come on, let me see what this holder looks
like with your Pikachu in it” she said.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Chester
grabbed her hand, looked her in her one good eye and told her, “I can’t. I had
to make the same difficult decision because of how I feel for you.” He then
handed his gift to her which she promptly opened.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“A ten
dollar gift certificate to QT?” she asked puzzled. </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I know
how much you love those buffalo chicken rollers.” He told her. “I just can’t
bear the thought of you going to work on an empty stomach. Plus if you wait until
after three o’clock the donuts are half off making this almost like a $20 gift
card. ” A terse embrace followed and then Sandy left for her family get
together.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
Chester sat on his couch aglow with a feeling of deep satisfaction. This was
the best Christmas he could ever remember. As he looked around his room, his
eyes met the gaze from his new autographed William Shatner picture and he now understood
at last the lesson learned by wise nerds throughout the centuries, that when
given the choice between true love and William Shatner, remember, it’s a trick
question. William Shatner is true love. </div>
Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06094308414403982071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-61720330520498458412014-10-13T22:36:00.000-07:002014-10-13T22:36:16.656-07:00Getting Healthy on the Mean Streets<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well my friends, it’s been a while since I updated you on
how things are going on the mean streets of Apache Junction. And I have to be honest;
life on the mean streets is pretty sweet. We like to keep it positive because
there are few things better than waking up each morning and watching the sun
rise over a sea of doublewides. Of course even when things are as great as they
are on the mean streets, life can throw you a curve.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other day I was feeling pretty run down. It wasn’t your
normal “up late watching reruns of the Dukes of Hazzard” type of tired. I could
be up all night watching the exploits of Sherriff Roscoe P. Coltrane and his
trusty sidekick Flash and still have enough get up and go for eight hours of
scraping asbestos off the ceiling of the park rec center. This was something
else. My vim and vigor was plain busted. I’m not sure which one, but the
Greyhound Express of life had a flat tire, and that was for sure.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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So I walked over to talk to my buddy “One-Leg” Bill and told
him all about my situation. He said that while he was manning the deep fryer at
the Jack in the Box the other day, he overheard two of those suburban type
ladies talking about something called low carb. I wasn’t sure what he meant by
low carb. My truck only has one carburetor. I’m not sure you can go less than
one carburetor if you need to run down to the Circle K for a roller grill and
donut fix. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ol One Leg told me it didn’t have anything to do with their
mode of vehicular transportation. He said these ladies ordered their burger
wrapped in lettuce. I asked him if the lettuce made the bun soggy and this is
where it really got crazy: he said there was no bun on their burgers. Now call
me crazy, but this just sounds un-American. How can you eat a burger with no
bun? That’s like trying to eat a steak without a baked potato. IT JUST DON’T
MAKE SENSE!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I was intrigued. After all, these suburban ladies
look better in a velvet jogging suit than I ever will, so maybe they know
something I don’t. So I went up to Hilda in the trailer park office and asked her
to look up “Low Carb” on the google machine and see what it says. I was shocked
at what she rattled off. Apparently carbs are the magical ingredient that makes
food taste good and since about August of 2009, they have been killing us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess carbs are just like midget wrestling,
eating strange mushrooms, and going down the slip and slide in the nude. While
potentially a lot of fun, they are best left off of life’s menu.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Since I want to roll on the mean streets of Apache Junction
long after my tags have expired, I have decided to make the following changes:</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Removing the completely unnecessary middle bun
in the Big Mac.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Replacing the potato chips in my OOP (Olive
Loaf, Onion, and Potato Chip) sandwich with pork rinds.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Only eating Vienna Sausages made of real meat
and real meat byproducts.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Increasing my vegetable intake by not removing
the lettuce from my tacos.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>And lastly, I will only use bacon grease to cook
with and not as a side dish.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope you can join me on this health crusade so that we can
enjoy many, many double wide sunrises together.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWrqFfam0O9mJU7SGrDzte05do1dfy8cmQnDCRpZWbcbWeExcTy4-agrz-L93N8HemFiJ2zm0HLNzdeu1tvD2HhwkcaG_0BmNwIf9lRXyWryXt0V7m7XvkfFS-NOtaiSP51GRJ6DLjVK6K/s1600/Lettuce+Burger.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWrqFfam0O9mJU7SGrDzte05do1dfy8cmQnDCRpZWbcbWeExcTy4-agrz-L93N8HemFiJ2zm0HLNzdeu1tvD2HhwkcaG_0BmNwIf9lRXyWryXt0V7m7XvkfFS-NOtaiSP51GRJ6DLjVK6K/s1600/Lettuce+Burger.JPG" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">WHO DOES THIS??????</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06094308414403982071noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-60138316906840310812012-11-06T13:03:00.001-07:002012-11-06T13:05:56.392-07:00The Official Mean Street Presidential EndorsementWell folks, its that time of year again. Even though we live the high life here on the Mean Streets, we aren't immune to the trouble and strife those outside of the glory of the trailer park go through. Our own internal polling shows that there is a lot of people unsure on what direction to go. <br />
<br />
Well have no fears my friends, I am here to clear everything up for you. After heavily weighing all the candidates and their strengths and weaknesses, we are ready to make an endorsement. <br />
<br />
And the candidate we are going to roll with as we cruise the Mean Streets of Apache Junction is.....<br />
<br />
BACON SPAM!<br />
<br />
<img height="263" id="il_fi" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoM4cmEJmwR_px3Hrop29KeKwc7V-8snhP3KM-qTrPYZ0jOy9Qxtiu42QdWECW-BIIoCLPYQ51lZ43zoEwLgh3d36x5lFRCsV7SyAyzDTxv2n9Mk66-Tugk3W7WQtLwxxjrCJmNupj7P3X/s320/247564799_c04f859967.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
Yes, Bacon Spam gets our vote for President of all Canned Meats for the next four years or breakfast, whichever comes first.* We were unsure this newcomer to the canned meat aisle would be up for the challenge, but my stomach rang at 3 AM and Bacon Spam was there to answer the call. We also believe that Bacon Spam can bring together both sides of the country as it tastes great on White or Wheat bread. Bacon Spam has the taste, the high salt content, and necessary nitrates to move this country forward!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*Should Ribeye Spam, Porterhouse Spam, or Spam Spam ever join the race we reserve the right to change our vote. Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06094308414403982071noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-54212128047395054592011-08-11T13:02:00.000-07:002011-08-11T13:02:45.067-07:00Friday Challenge 8/12<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Crewman Frank Spence laid in his bunk and contemplated the effort it would talk to roll his bulk out of it. The air in the small room stank of sweat, desperation, and a hint of pastrami. His red shirt had rolled up over his belly exposing a large hairy gut that hadn’t been there when he originally joined the crew of the Enterprise. He sat up and kicked his legs over the side of his bunk and pulled the shirt down over his girth.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Five year mission my butt” he muttered to himself. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When he signed up, Frank had no clue what the mission would entail, but how dangerous could the security detail be on a ship that was just supposed to be exploring strange new worlds? Little did he know that he and his fellow security officers would become the captain’s own personal storm troopers beaming down and taking the brunt of the casualties? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Who has these types of casualties on a peaceful mission?” Frank thought to himself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every week some innocent red shirt gets knocked off. Three weeks ago it was his best friend on the ship, Jason. Some rock creature disintegrated Jason in an instant. Frank pondered this fact. In a blink of an eye his friend was gone. They were all gone so Kirk can get it on with whatever strange colored chick came his way. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was losing his best friend that got Frank some extended time off to sort everything out. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s just too high a price to pay so Captain can be a rock star” Frank mumbled again. He raised his voice louder and resolutely announced to his empty cabin “Well little does Kirk know, I’m not playing the game anymore.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He grunted as he eased off his bunk and his feet hit the ground with a loud thump. He walked over to the food replicator and pushed a large red button and commanded “Bowl of Gravy.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The replicator replied back in its comforting female voice “Will that be brown or white gravy?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Frank thought about it for a second and decided to change his mind. “Computer, please give me a chocolate cake with extra frosting……and three bowls of ice cream.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The female voice came back with another question. “Sir, you have not had any protein this morning.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I had a chicken” Frank retorted.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I did indeed replicate a chicken for you, but you only consumed the skin.” The computer said matter of factly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fine then,” Frank said disgustedly, “I’ll take a bowl of spaghetti and throw a big fat ribeye on top. And <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">then</i> give me the dang cake and ice cream. And don’t forget the extra frosting. In fact just replicate me a whole container of frosting. “</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you positive that this is what you want?” The replicator chirped back. The computers voice reminded Frank of his mother which made him feel even more defiant.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s what I asked for isn’t it!” Frank said angrily.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Sir, I question this meal choice because my sensors indicate that you are near the maximum weight capacity of the transporter. If your weight exceed the transporters limits you will be disqualified for any planet side missions.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“DUH. That’s the whole point” the crewman thought to himself. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oddly enough it was Kirk who gave him the idea to eat himself out of a job. Frank ran into the captain in the hallway a couple of week after the mission where Frank lost his friend and he had spent it mourning over a never ending supply of chicken fried steak. In an attempt to bond with the common man on his ship the Captain slapped Frank in the belly, put him in a headlock, and then gave him a noogie while saying “You’re really packing on the pounds Fred.” That was the beginning of the end for Frank.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m on R and R. You are supposed to give me whatever I want.” Frank demanded of the food program.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“My records indicate that you are indeed on rest and relaxation leave, however my programming does not allow me to put the ships mission at risk and the current caloric pace you have been on will keep you from performing your duties. I’m sorry, but I cannot provide you with your request. Can I replicate you a bowl of oatmeal or perhaps a salad?” The voice said as helpful as it could.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Crewman Spence plopped himself back on the bunk and thought. “I am so close to getting drummed out of the security detail. How am I supposed to get there if the dang replicator is keeping track of everything?” He thought of friends that he might be able to go see who might order him a pound or seven of bacon . Then the idea hit him. He knew what to do. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He jumped off the bunk. Pulled the thick red shirt over his belly yet again, yanked his black pants up to cover the crack in his rear, and went out the door.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He made his way down the hall, up the elevator, and went into holodeck fourteen. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Holodeck. Run program 645.” He announced.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Suddenly the program kicked in and Frank found himself inside a strange building where a young woman with a strange apparatus on her head looked at him and then spoke.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order?”</span></div>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06094308414403982071noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-75767318355217431832010-03-30T13:35:00.002-07:002010-03-30T13:37:59.686-07:00Cover Chameleon<span xmlns=""><p>Today I'd like to discuss the topic of musical covers. For those not hip to the lingo, a cover is when a person or band records a version of a previously published song. The cover song can be a blessing or a curse for the listener and/or the artist. For some artists, the cover defines their careers. Their choice of a cover to introduce them to the world becomes the mountain they can never climb over. (See "Locomotion" from Kylie Minogue and "I Think We're Alone Now" by Tiffany). Of course there is the possibility that was the plan all along and the goal was to cash in using a song that someone already wrote in order to minimize use of any creative muscle. Often time's bands will put out cover albums in order to fulfill some sort of contractual obligation. These albums rarely do anything but give hard core fans something new to listen to from their favorite groups. Artistically they tend to be pretty weak. One particular example is how Guns N Roses faded into oblivion with their cover of favorite punk tunes on "The Spaghetti Incident?". This was a placeholder until Guns N Roses could fulfill the promise of greatness that was the Use Your Illusion album. That promise never came and as fans we are stuck with a cd full of covers of bands that most of us never heard of and nothing so inspiring that would cause the average person to expand their horizons. The truth is that for the most part cover albums are cheap and easy to knock out. Some labels like Cleopatra have made a cottage industry out of putting compilations of covers by artists on their roster.<br /></p><p>The main problem is how the artists approach the cover. They usually go in one of two directions. They stay so faithful to the original that they bring nothing new to the song. (See "Lady Marmalade" by some diva supergroup thingy). Why waste your time and effort on a poor imitation? The other way is that they try so hard to put their imprint on the song that they create something so sacrilegious to the original that much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensues. (See Madonna's metaphorical pooping on Don McLean's patriotically painted thumb by bastardizing "American Pie"). Every once in a while, though a cover transcends the original or at least brings something so unique to the table that it deserves to sit alongside the original. Possibly the best example of this is Jimi Hendrix's cover of "All Along The Watchtower". Most people don't realist that this is a cover of a Bob Dylan tune. In reaction to hearing the Hendrix cover of his song, Dylan has said: "It overwhelmed me, really." Dylan has also stated "Strange how when I sing it, I always feel it's a tribute to him in some kind of way." Hendrix had taken this Dylan tune and had turned it into his own. A good cover has the ability to do that.<br /></p><p>I now give you a list of five covers that I feel are every bit as awesome as the original<br /></p><p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6p3GnxBYOQ&feature=related">Jane's Addiction's cover of "Sympathy For The Devil</a>" originally by The Rolling Stones<br /></p><p>This song was on Jane's Addiction's live album that was put out before their major label debut. The band creates a moody atmosphere with subdued acoustic strings and percussion. This sets the tone for what makes this version so special: Perry Farrel's vocals. When Mick Jagger crooned his version, it was full of raw in your face sexuality and machismo proudly declaring his dark deeds as the deceiver of the world. In this version, Perry Farrel's voice is much more subdued taking on the character of the serpent in the Garden of Eden choosing deception over confrontation. I find this version much more convincing.<br /></p><p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24kiTIDQt9Q">Furnace "Hey You"</a> originally by Pink Floyd.<br /></p><p>This was from one of Cleopatra's many cover compilations. I bought this because I love Pink Floyd and I was big into industrial music at the time. I'm not sure what my expectations were at the time, but pretty much the whole double album blew (yes there were two discs of terrible covers). The lone exception was this masterpiece by some band called Furnace that I'm not sure did anything other than this. I could do some research to find out, but it doesn't matter because they could never top this. Floyd's album the Wall is #1 on my desert island disc list. It is the album that turned me onto rock and roll and sent me on a musical journey that I have been on ever since, so I am serious when I dare to put this song side by side with the original. The song is about isolation and loneliness. It is a song longing for someone to come and save us. The sparseness of the electronics and the pounding beat take the feelings of isolation to another level. This is truly a cover that understood the theme of the original and took it places that maybe it shouldn't go. The despair that Roger Waters wrote of is palpable here.<br /></p><p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCA3f9kiZcI">Dread Zeppelin "Immigrant Song"</a> originally by Led Zeppelin<br /></p><p>"Blasphemy" you say? How could anyone touch Zeppelin's Magnum Opus of Viking adventure, bombastic guitars riffs, and Robert Plants unmistakable howling? What business does a reggae band with an Elvis impersonator front man have messing with the Godfathers of Metal? I can't answer these questions, but I can tell you that Immigrant Song matches well with some funky booty shaking reggae. And it doesn't seem that much of a stretch to go from Robert Plants primal scream to Tortelvis's over the top impersonation of the King. Of course I might be a bit biased because I used to see Dread Zeppelin a couple of time a year in my single days. Hilarious show, but they backed it up with musical chops. You couldn't make Immigrant song so funky if you don't have the musical ability to make it happen. And Dread has it in spades.<br /></p><p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAEe_6fQWdY">The Jimi Hendrix Experience "Sunshine of Your Love"</a> originally by Cream<br /></p><p>"Sunshine of your love" blew my mind the first time I heard it. My only real experience with Eric Clapton was "Tears in Heaven". I had no idea why he was "God". Being exposed to Cream and Derek and the Dominoes has helped me to understand why people thought this of him. "Sunshine" blew my mind because it was so heavy. My experience with oldies was the fluff that my parents listened to on Kool 94.5. I had no idea that this type of Rock was going on at the same time the Supremes were singing about their guy. Why is the Hendrix cover on here? It's because they take it to an even heavier plane of existence. I must mention that there are different versions of this cover. I am specifically talking about the version on Live at Winterland. Jimi literally makes his guitar sing. There are no vocals. Hendrix's wailing guitar takes the place of the vocals. The only dark surprise in this song is how freakin' awesome it is.<strong><br /></strong></p><p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5JALwwaASg">Elvis Presley "Hound Dog"</a> originally by Willie Mae "Big Mama" Thorton<br /></p><p>How could we not include the King and a song that helped start a revolution? This revolution wasn't bloody, but hip gyratingly fantastic. The King took a slow burning bluesy take on a no good scoundrel and turned it into a rockin tune about something, I'm not sure what. His hip shaking performance on the Milton Berle show launched to Old Bitty Committee to launch a campaign to ban the Kings special brand of Rock and Roll fury. Sorry ladies, that train left the tunnel and was barreling down the track to lead us all to the land of Rock and Roll. Even fifty years later the charisma still seeps from the ol TFT display. Sorry Big Mama, but this song belongs to the King of Rock and Roll.<br /></p><p>What are some of your favorite or most hated covers?<br /></p><p> </p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-366880159772713662009-08-05T10:03:00.004-07:002009-08-05T10:42:46.725-07:00The Griswold's go to ColoradoSometimes even we need to take a break from rolling on the mean streets of Apache Junction. Arizona is H-O-T, and the siren song of Colorado gets to us and we have to answer.<br /><br />While every vacation has it's "issues", here on the Mean Streets we do it up right. Anyone can go on vacation, it takes a special group of people to turn it into and adventure. And my family has that special talent is spades.<br /><br />I give you now a comprehensive list of what needs to happen in order to vacation Mean Street style<br /><br /><ul><li>You start off taking 5 hours to pack when you only planned for 1.</li><li>You lose the table you strapped on your camper.</li><li>Due to the late start you end up staying in a scary hotel in Holbrook, Az. with drunk crazy people pacing on the sidewalk outside yelling at themselves.</li><li>Your 1 year old refuses to sleep.</li><li>The road to your camp site was last grated sometime in the 1800's.</li><li>Your Father in law breaks a rib and nearly impales himself packing up his gear</li><li>Your Sister in law bruises her tailbone jumping off a 40 foot cliff</li><li>Your Mother in law hurts her leg slipping in a stream</li><li>Your Sons legs look like a dog gnawed on them from the mosquito bites</li><li>Your 3 year old Daughter's face swells up from the mosquito bites</li><li>Your 1 year old Daughter rolls out of the tent trailer in the middle of the night</li><li>Your Nephew gets shot in the neck with an air soft bullet</li><li>You spend north of 100 bucks in fishing licenses, bait, and other goodies and bring home 5 trout making it about 20 bucks a trout.</li><li>The first lake you go fishing is out of a postcard. The scenery is breathtaking and at any given moment there are about 20 trout jumping in the air and you don't even get a nibble. </li><li>Leaving camp you bend the heck out of the back bumper of the trailer</li><li>Your Father in law's transmission goes out on the way home</li><li>Once at the In-Laws and ready to start the non camping portion of the vacation, you spend the afternoon at Discount Tire replacing a flat</li><li>You come across 1 motorcycle accident, 1 SUV accident, and 1 truck accident</li><li>While visiting Grandparents, the neighbors shed catches on fire and 4 Fire trucks respond, giving us some fine entertainment that evening.</li><li>On the way out of town to come home, your engine blows a spark plug and you have to take it to a Mechanic.</li><li>The mechanic never called to say the vehicle was done. We decide to just drive into town just in case and find the mechanic closed, causing us to delay the trip home a second day.</li><li>The extra 2 days allow a sore to develop on 1 year old's backside, causing her to scream for the majority of the 9 hour drive.</li></ul><p>And the crazy thing is that you take all of these elements and blend them together and you get on of the best vacations we've ever been on.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-59754925941509005782009-07-02T13:39:00.004-07:002009-07-02T14:36:26.039-07:00An Open Letter To Jeff Flake<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Representative</span> Flake,<br /><br />How's it going? I understand you had a great weekend. I'm sure you heard there was a very special piece of legislation that was voted on this weekend. And from what I hear you are very much against it. Of course you weren't against it enough to show up to vote on it.<br /><br />I know you had a very important family matter to attend to. Of course this wasn't the normal, run of the mill, screw the tax payer, piece of legislation. This was a whopper. This was a forever change the very fabric of the nation type of legislation. It's too bad you missed it. I bet it was a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">doozy</span> of a vote. Oh- you caught highlights of it on Fox that night. I'm glad they had cable down there. I'd hate to think you missed all that action.<br /><br />Of course those of us who you represent would have preferred you be there to, you know, represent us. To be honest, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I would say for you to not be there is a dereliction of duty But what do I know, I'm only a poor working <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">schlub</span> who'll be paying for your absence that day for years to come. But I don't want you to worry about me, the key is that your daughter feels good about her daddy.<br /><br />Of course I have to wonder how grateful your daughter will be in 20 years when she can't make ends meet and she finds out you could have done your part to stop it, but you decided to show up to an event she barely remembers. It's cool though. I'm a dad too. I know how hard it is to have to miss events because you have to put food on the table. And it's not like you have a break coming up for you to spend time with her....oh wait, I guess you do.<br /><br />You know what's cool about your job is that you not only represent your daughter, but also my son, my neighbors kids, their neighbors kids and so on. I'm sure it must have been a difficult decision to put your daughters happiness over our kids future. It's a heavy burden you bear being forced to represent us in Washington. Oh wait, you volunteered to represent us. It's too bad we couldn't cast a vote for your daughter this weekend or even better cast a vote against this monstrosity of a bill which is kinda what we wanted you to do, but you were busy.<br /><br />I know your heart was in the right place. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Unfortunately</span>, your brain was in the wrong place. I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">believe</span> it can be located firmly implanted in your <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">derriere</span> if you need it for anything. The trouble is that this a mess that you and your fellow Republicans helped cause. Your 8 years of screw ups under W allowed the left to come into control of Washington. It's funny because in my house, when we make a mess we clean it up, not take a trip down to Alabama. Maybe we're silly that way.<br /><br />It sounds like you've let your daughter down a lot in the past. I'm sure that she'll be glad to know that by choosing her <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">pageant</span> over fighting to save the Republic you'll have plenty of time to spend with her after the next primary. I'll do everything I can to make sure that her daddy won't be burdened with all that flying to Washington for silly votes anymore.<br /><br />What you've obviously forgotten is that to be a US <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Representative</span> is high calling that comes with <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">difficult</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">responsibilities</span> and even tougher sacrifices. As a working father struggling to make ends meet, I have had to make a lot of sacrifices for my family and yet my son bears no ill will towards me because he knows I'm doing what's best for him. I'm sure you're daughter would have understood as well, given the odious nature of this legislation and the massive impact it will have on all of us. Kids are good that way.<br /><br />So until we can get someone who remembers this, please try to think about all of us <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">groundlings</span> who have put our trust in you. I hear there's a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">particularly</span> nasty <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">health care</span> bill working it's way through the system. Let's just hope the vote doesn't fall on the same day as a school play.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />Me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-35767513488446610612009-06-19T15:30:00.004-07:002009-06-19T16:39:14.139-07:00Cluck You!We try to keep things mellow here on the Mean Streets. Crap happens and you roll with it. When you've lived your life in Apache Junction you get used to crap rolling down hill because the trailer park is at the base of the mountain. So it takes a lot to get me riled.<br /><br />Well my friends, Popeye's Chicken has unleashed the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">freakin</span> wolverine! I used to love Popeye's chicken. It was spicy, juicy, and flavorful-not unlike your narrator. It was unlike any fried chicken out there. My first experience with Popeye's was as an impressionable young lad on a trip to Washington D.C. It would have been my first love if I hadn't have discovered Atari the year before.<br /><br />When the chain moved out to the desert, I was one of the first in line to savor the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">cajun</span> flavor. The only problem was that for some reason the Popeye's were all connected to gas stations and they only took cash. Well my friends, on the Mean Streets, we are a debit card crew so Popeye's wasn't generally an option, plus a Circle K isn't the most relaxing of lunch venues. While it broke my heart, Popeye and I moved our <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">separate</span> ways.<br /><br />Fast forward several years and Popeye's is on an advertising blitz. They're pimping their 2 piece chicken and a biscuit deal. Well when my lunch appointment bailed and I had cash in my pocket, I knew the time was right to renew the relationship.<br /><br />The day turned even better when I pulled up and they were advertising 2 PIECES FOR A <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">FREAKIN</span>' DOLLAR. My jaw almost hit the floorboard of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ol</span> Crown Vic. If there is one thing we love more than doughy, grease filled poultry, it's doughy, grease filled poultry at a screaming price. If only I knew the horror to come.<br /><br />I paid my cash (and noticed they are taking cards so things were getting better by the moment) and waited for my turn to be served. They dumped a fresh load (again just like me) of the spicy chicken so I knew I was getting the cream of the crop.<br /><br />All I can say after pulling out the first piece is that the cream has spoiled. It was small, cooked beyond the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">jerky</span> state, and worst of all the skin had all the flavor of cardboard dipped in school paste.<br /><br />In order to put it into perspective, I basically paid 50 cents for a piece of regular sized chicken and felt completely ripped off! I pay that much for a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">stinkin</span> hot wing which is half of the smallest piece of the chicken. Here I'm getting a full thigh and I wanted to drive back and demand my dollar bill back.<br /><br />Popeye, all I can say is you should stick with spinach and I'll get religion and go back to Church's.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-63417117066475194502009-06-12T15:46:00.007-07:002009-06-12T16:15:42.026-07:00Ode to The Generic<div>When you're rollin on the Mean Streets of Apache Junction, sometime the spigot on the ol cash flow gets turned off and we are resorted to scrimping by.<br /><br />I know what you're thinking: "Poor boy. Maybe you should have thought about that before dropping 20 bucks on a 12 pack of Maiden tunes on Rock Band." [Excellent by the way!-ed]<br /><br />Well my friends I'm not here to lament my situation. No we keep it positive here in the Trailer Park Kingdom. I'm here to extol the virtues of a discovery. A discovery that would not have happened had the ducketts not become scarce. A discovery so wonderful, so delicious, that the mere thought of it makes me want to put down these Vienna sausages and run down to the local Wal-Mart and pick me up some.<br /><br />What am I talking about? I'm talking about Wal-Mart's generic beef stew! BEHOLD:<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346583016955584386" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 215px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 215px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM68krcVjoBpvhG1DY3Q-2wmus7vb7uR-pISO8KmSsr_7t4TsiMIjrFhwkDf1_mJq20SOk4jcAGUN6D-GogUGFBpTiA5pWHKG6TzPWH__cXPIcuyAEuCUM4ZUmoWPjI5aS1miiBNovA38/s320/Beef+Stew.jpg" border="0" /><br />Previous to this I have been a beef stew snob. My parents were raised on Dinty Moore. Their parents were raised on Dinty Moore, and by golly my son was going to be raised on Dinty Moore. There would be no other Beef Stew brought before me-ever.<br /><br />That was until my trip down to the ol pueblo aka Mexico. I didn't want to pick up some nasty illness that would cause me to spend more time on the pot* than on the beach soaking up the sun so I had to bring my food down. One bad tamale wasn't going to ruin this guys vacation. So I wanted to load up on the beef stew. Well since I had a wife and kid to feed and both require other groceries because they are not man enough for Dinty Moore, I was forced to sacrifice 10 generations of family beef stew tradition so they can eat.<br /><br />Yes even the Mean Streets can show compassion from time to time.<br /><br />So I swallowed my family pride and picked up the Great Value beef stew. And friends, I've been glad I did ever since.<br /><br />How do I describe the indescribable? I can say the beef was tender, the potatoes few, carrots cooked to perfection, but best of all the sauce. It was less a stew and more a gravy. If I had to describe it in three words they would be: Thick, Rich, Delicious,, Velvety, Meaty, and Lipsmacking. It was beyond human comprehension.<br /><br />It like how when stars go super nova and then collapse in on themselves. They become the size of a marble but weigh trillions of tons. How do they pack that much flavor in a single can. To quote the great Sicilian Vizzini "That's Inconceivable!"<br /><br />It shaken my culinary world to it's core. I'm now wondering how well the Great Value Luncheon meat tastes. Though I swore there would be no other pressed pork product stored in gelatin than SPAM eaten in my house, the taste buds contemplate revolt. <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346583158487255730" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 215px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 215px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzrJqX3ZRo0XOp8wstoPMyl5d3TCt3gOubggVUAKW6qKHChtGBkHuaQGyR4EXkvLFvcmdypdZSlmwf9zbP4jorSnrbFwIGZcwPruW8r_ufVwq-7yokYJmfEFH_TE1meOG9IX_4Mm-J9t8/s320/Luncheon+Meat.jpg" border="0" /></div><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">*If your name is Shadow, this kind of pot refers to a toilet.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-72915358519306652072009-04-16T02:55:00.009-07:002009-04-16T03:55:17.118-07:00Phoenix Arizona Tea Party Report<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA10TPOe9ktsdtKPIpQDofVqo7TGn8iA1_CkiM596tGpJjoE9q8q4OTQ0buz8GG9qbjCbhAq3ihypuJa-BHUBSHMpWeKHMarcMCzb1fraU7YKO5lgFkxXwNkaWmkJ4-AWJK8KCk_dkrZs/s1600-h/pic+008.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA10TPOe9ktsdtKPIpQDofVqo7TGn8iA1_CkiM596tGpJjoE9q8q4OTQ0buz8GG9qbjCbhAq3ihypuJa-BHUBSHMpWeKHMarcMCzb1fraU7YKO5lgFkxXwNkaWmkJ4-AWJK8KCk_dkrZs/s320/pic+008.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5325236873553519730" border="0" /></a><br />Well I rolled into the P Town after a grueling day of selling stuff and decided to join my fellow right wing extremists at the Tea Party. By the time I got there the crowd was already large. By 6 PM the crowd was at around 6000 domestic "troublemakers" withe the final headcount between 10k-15k at it's peak. This was supposedly the largest political rally in Phoenix history.<br /><br />The primary organizer for the event was the local conservative talk station 550 KFYI. I was hoping to get to see The Nearly Famous Barry Young, but either he didn't speak or he spoke before I arrived. The speakers consisted of a mix of local politicians, conservative community activists, and radio personalities. The mix was nice because it wasn't just straight republicans. There was a democrat who is fighting against property taxes, a former Libertarian party candidate for governor (who was my favorite speaker of the night), you had your Ron Paul supporters, and the head of the Arizona Fair Tax group spoke.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9u-JKXIIgmTP1FI8zGoktabjsWN548ZTcnUCeIq3tvskYFaqmv7ZoFDNARVKJF2JR-d-fjwcvhcGzdZUyEhZnT9eVjuq27y0N1FDJvi1iJluh8HEipp_f4ZQOKuq3HxByAY7Us9EciVE/s1600-h/pic+005.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9u-JKXIIgmTP1FI8zGoktabjsWN548ZTcnUCeIq3tvskYFaqmv7ZoFDNARVKJF2JR-d-fjwcvhcGzdZUyEhZnT9eVjuq27y0N1FDJvi1iJluh8HEipp_f4ZQOKuq3HxByAY7Us9EciVE/s320/pic+005.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5325236272537988674" border="0" /></a><br />The crowd itself was also a nice mix of young and old. I saw people representing just about every party outside of the left. The crowd was fired up and it was fun to be a part of the whole protest.<br /><br />The set up of the protest was lacking somewhat. The Tea Party was held at the State Capital on the lawn out front of the copper dome. KFYI set up a stage, but it was not raised very high, so you couldn't see any of the speakers and worse you couldn't hear them because of the poor sound system set up. I don't know if they weren't prepared for the turnout they got. I did eventually work my way up close to the front using techniques I've mastered from attending way too many metal concerts. Once I was close enough I could hear and see fine.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpGAmzCzUN4zts1zvbkMmaIfbCX4ha_XJLrLXMYjUQtGrkBw51oiMH8mfirTn4bRZRbe7bI5TIHxYHOedcDQ0OG7W52OVd_OI_m1UQ4mLJVBo2YLIYcykkourYeXi5cVnNdYYglGMNSaM/s1600-h/pic+006.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpGAmzCzUN4zts1zvbkMmaIfbCX4ha_XJLrLXMYjUQtGrkBw51oiMH8mfirTn4bRZRbe7bI5TIHxYHOedcDQ0OG7W52OVd_OI_m1UQ4mLJVBo2YLIYcykkourYeXi5cVnNdYYglGMNSaM/s320/pic+006.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5325238329478053458" border="0" /></a><br />I was glad I went. It got me thinking about getting more involved. I talked to a Republican party official who was advertising about getting people to become Precinct Committeemen. While I no longer consider myself a Republican and would be a member of the Constitution Party if it was recognized as an official party in Az, the thought intrigues me. Apparently most of the slots are open so there are few true conservatives fighting the scourge of moderates that have plagued the Republican Party. It might be a way to make more of an impact than my protest vote every election.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-NRM7qIjxqRRWhppfqS44EoYRXVHar7CA-s3F_f8pUaDsA6AvwenONeRQkayiJPav92PYHwilDrBZJ_0WjkN_CeFPhj2nJBTjXA2IrBNBI3bml4sMFAZx8j5x_7FGd09aWxBQfeyjBEk/s1600-h/pic+003.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-NRM7qIjxqRRWhppfqS44EoYRXVHar7CA-s3F_f8pUaDsA6AvwenONeRQkayiJPav92PYHwilDrBZJ_0WjkN_CeFPhj2nJBTjXA2IrBNBI3bml4sMFAZx8j5x_7FGd09aWxBQfeyjBEk/s320/pic+003.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5325239555816627842" border="0" /></a><br />I didn't have a way to take good notes, but here were some of my favorite quotes, which won't be exact but you get the gist:<br /><br />The Tree of Liberty must be watered with the blood of patriots and tyrants-Thomas Jefferson. The speaker followed up with a comment about how anxious we must be knowing it is time to do the watering or something like that,<br /><br />"I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice! And let me remind you also that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue."-Barry Goldwater<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4JyXMqpblIZCMITYceIWBKdU0sjebFCcDeBSTN3YcRxkRFVX6Q3NqHEikEuUOI7G47F7axDAapx5E0tUE3g9KheoGioYgIYrW6ypOBCs_eTozd9XQnMtrzjj44WUfjnmp0SomiWZjV0o/s1600-h/pic+009.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4JyXMqpblIZCMITYceIWBKdU0sjebFCcDeBSTN3YcRxkRFVX6Q3NqHEikEuUOI7G47F7axDAapx5E0tUE3g9KheoGioYgIYrW6ypOBCs_eTozd9XQnMtrzjj44WUfjnmp0SomiWZjV0o/s320/pic+009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5325239552651865778" border="0" /></a><br />"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom." - Adrian Rogers<br /><br />"The founding fathers knew that the First Amendment was the most important which is why they put it at the top. They placed the second amendment there as a backup if the government should fail the first." I don't know who said it and it is a poor paraphrase.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdZS19G7AyssgD8EfmZWtx5x8L0oa5S6NSl4Ft9iMtYTl41BhTtZiE-M527qiBGB2-m6LjqcDy5KN8AyATHRQppd8kV4H1Fo3hICk1IPf8BCJ4XhEVerLSx_K0sa6s-PACKoaEoHPdRJs/s1600-h/pic+010.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdZS19G7AyssgD8EfmZWtx5x8L0oa5S6NSl4Ft9iMtYTl41BhTtZiE-M527qiBGB2-m6LjqcDy5KN8AyATHRQppd8kV4H1Fo3hICk1IPf8BCJ4XhEVerLSx_K0sa6s-PACKoaEoHPdRJs/s320/pic+010.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5325239547744281058" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-63638392466917874662009-04-14T22:57:00.002-07:002009-04-15T14:31:02.369-07:00Woud the real Transformers: The Movie stand up?What constitutes a classic movie? In my mind there are two types of classics. You have the movies that are critically acclaimed and receive thoughtful praise by those who consider themselves experts in the area of cinema. Then there is the other type of classic is one much more personal. These movies rarely receive the praise they deserve by gatekeepers of fine art, but nonetheless touch people and become one of those binding threads among friends. <br /><br />I’m here today to offer a tribute to one of my personal classics. A film that should have been a landmark in modern animation, but through poor marketing and even poorer box office returns, got tossed aside into the dustbin of failed sure fire hits. I’m speaking of the 1986 animated film The Transformers: The movie.<br /><br />The colossal failure of this movie still puzzles me to this day. There are few men I know from my generation that don’t think of this movie fondly. This should have been a hit based alone on the built in market. Perhaps that was its doom. Boys of my generation lived during the golden age of after school cartoons. Unlike my parents that had some cartoons on the weekend and my son who has access to non-stop cartoons around the clock via Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, and the Internet, we were only able to get our action fix for a glorious period of a few hours after school. Saturday morning cartoons were a plus but they did not match the power packed combination of such classics as He-Man, G.I. Joe, Thundercats, and of coarse Transformers. Now our parents knew these were just half-hour long commercials for the much more lucrative toys. Perhaps the thought that our regular fix of cartoons nearly broke the bank come birthday and Christmas time and the thought of what an 84-minute dose of pure Transformer fury would do their pocketbook was too much to bear. It’s that or the movie company and the general viewing public had their heads up their collective rears. You be the judge.<br /><br />What made this movie special is that it there was no reason to believe that something special was about to be unleashed. The Transformers like all of our favorite afternoon cartoons had shoddy animation, decent but not great acting and each episode followed the same basic premise of the bad guys come up with a new plan to vanquish the good guys and take over whatever it is they are after, the good guys foil the plan, and then the bad guys run away cursing the good guys and vowing revenge. No one ever dies and the good guys always win. That all changed with this movie. While The Transformer: The movie did introduce a new set of characters, this movie never felt like a commercial. The characters all had depth and soul. Yes I am talking about giant transforming robots. This movie also introduced real gravity to the situation by introducing death of beloved characters into the equation. This was heavy stuff for a kid.<br /><br />At this point I should probably provide a synopsis of the story. I could but I won’t. The plot is a little too complicated to summarize in just a few sentences. If you want to read a synopsis, I suggest going to this page on IMDB.com. This is the key to what made the film so great. The story went much deeper than normal cartoon affair. You had near annihilation of the Autobot race, you had the unwilling the hated Megatron making a Faustian deal to save his own life, and you had the giant planet eating robot who was the main enemy yet how do you defeat what is essentially a force of nature?<br /><br />Now I mentioned how serious this movie was. Yes there was some light hearted moments usually involving the Dinobots (who I still detest), but over all the tone of the film is way darker than anything that has preceded it and most that have followed. I knew that I was in for a ride when in the very beginning of the movie when Megatron and his minions hijack an Autobot ship and kill everyone on board. When one autobot that still has some life in him reaches out for Megatron’s leg and begs for mercy for his fellow Autobots, Megatron’s response still send shudders down my spine. He looks down at the fallen robot and says with a sneer “Such heroic nonsense” and then blast him at close range with his blaster. Are you kidding me? I had never witnessed anything so murderous in my life. And then they kill the one character that I never in a million years would have been killed: Optimus Prime. This would have been like killing John Wayne off in the first ten minutes of True Grit. I could see some of the minor characters getting knocked off, but you just don’t mess with Optimus Prime. Well they did. You watched the journey of Hot Rod as he leaves his childish ways and accepts his destiny as the chosen leader of the Autobots and the devastation as Utlra Magnus who wants to save his people but can’t because he is not the prophesied leader. You see Megatron make a deal with devil and how he chafes under the rule of someone else. These were serious story lines, much more serious than what we usually followed. <br /><br />Much like how Big Trouble in Little China (another personal classic) tried to introduce main stream American audiences to the Hong Kong style of martial arts films, The Transformers: The Movie introduced main stream America to Japanese animation. This was better looking than any other American cartoon at the time. The care and work that went into the film is on display throughout. This aspect of it alone should make The Transformers: The Movie more than just a personal classic.<br /><br />A movie just isn’t complete without a soundtrack that fits what’s going on in the movie. The Transformers: The Movie’s soundtrack is no exception. Nearly every song fits as if it was made for this film with the only real clunker being Weird Al’s “Dare To Be Stupid”. There isn’t a fan of this movie that doesn’t have the specific scenes play out in his head when he hears Stan Bush sing “You got the touch” or think that he could save the universe too as long as Stan keep on crooning “Dare to keep all your dreams alive!”. <br /><br />In case you haven’t figured out I love this movie. And if you are pondering actually dusting off the only copy at the local video store and giving it a spin, consider this: It has a great story, great acting, great animation, and great animation, and for a cartoon 23 years old it still holds up. Plus there’s a cuss word in it, which made it feel so rebellious to us youngsters. <br /><br />I recommend it not only for the nostalgia, but because it deserves a bigger audience and to take it’s proper place in the realm of sci-fi classics.<br /><br /><script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-13391126731015272009-03-19T14:17:00.008-07:002009-03-19T14:44:58.181-07:00How The Mean Streets RollI remember reading about some swank Japanese hotel where they had heated toilet seats. Now that might sound a bit extravagant and over the top, but let me tell you, you don't have to fly across the Pacific to enjoy that kind of luxury. Here on the Mean Streets of Apache Junction we live the high life too and best of all my friends, it's free. <br /><br />I'm sure you're saying to yourself "This is impossible. Apache Junction is the trailer park capital of the southwest". I can tell you it is possible because we do it everyday. In fact I experienced the height of such opulence just today.<br /><br />I ran down to the Wal-Mart to pick up some power bait and smoked oysters. Well all of a sudden I started to feel something big brewing. I guess the Double-Double Animal Style I put IN last night was wanting to come OUT today. Well I made a bee line for the restroom. <br /><br />Of course I headed for the handicapped stall. I'm not crippled or anything, but here on the Mean Streets we appreciate the extra legroom that the handicapped affords. Well as I was about to open the door, it was swung wide by a extremely large gentleman rolling on his Rascal scooter. We both nodded to each other in appreciation of the perfect toilet timing where the poop baton is handed off seamlessly.<br /><br />Well my friends when I sat down, the seat was toasty warm and I was able to complete the transaction I started yesterday at the IN-N-OUT. And let me tell you, warm toilet seats are a luxury that is worth every penny. The only downside I would say is trying to hold your breath long enough for oxygen to penetrate the lingering methane cloud.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-49930636139416722462009-03-12T12:17:00.008-07:002009-06-19T15:20:04.943-07:00Lyrics and ListeningWe love us some heavy metal here on the Mean Streets. Over the last year I've really gotten into Symphonic Metal. I could go into detail on what Symphonic Metal is, but that is what Wikipedia is for, so don't waste my time asking. When I'm rocking out, I don't have time to fiddle fart around.<br /><br />Anywho, I always find it interesting how different what I hear when in the lyrics versus what is being said in actuality. Usually I'm way off, and today's example is no different. I guess I rocked out too hard when I was younger and killed off to many cells in my ears and brain.<br /><br />Yesterday I looked up the lyrics to the song <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cqUh4dfgSI">Paramount</a> by the excellent German Symphonic Metal band <a href="http://www.edenbridge.org/en/main/">Edenbridge</a>. When she is singing the words "You're Paramount" I heard something completely different. I mean I wasn't even close. I heard lyrics that were kind of a downer, but ended up being very positive.<br /><br />Well I liked the lyrics so much I thought I would share them. You see even The Mean Streets have a soft spot for a metalriffic love song.<br /><br />Here they are straight from the Edenbridge website<br /><br />WHEN VOICES TRAIL AWAY<br />INTO SILENCE GONE<br />IMPASSIONED I MAY STRAY<br /><br />BOUNDLESS AND PRISTINE<br />THE MIRACLE UNSEEN<br />THE WINDOWS OF THE SOUL CAUGHT INBETWEEN<br /><br />(PRE-CHORUS)<br />WONDER<br />HOME FREE I AM<br />COME CLOSER TO MY HEARTBEAT<br />AND KISS MY TEARS AWAY<br />NOT ONCE IN A BLUE MOON<br /><br />(CHORUS)<br />DON´T TURN AWAY<br />BEYOND MY DREAM<br />YOU´RE PARAMOUNT TO ANYTHING<br />YOU HAVE THE MIDAS TOUCH TO SAVE INFINITY<br />COME RAIN OR SHINE<br />FOREVER MINE<br />YOU´RE PARAMOUNT IN YOUR DESIGN<br />A HOPE OF STARDUST LEFT IN TIME<br /><br />MY PASSIONS RUNNING HIGH<br />GOING ROUND THE BEND<br />MIRAGES MYSTIFY<br /><br />ONE TIME WE GAVE OUR VOW<br />THE TIME TO KEEP IS NOW<br />SO SAY GOODBYE TO “HOLIER-THAN-THOU”<br /><br />(PRE-CHORUS)<br />(CHORUS)<br /><br />ONE HOPE<br />ONE FATE<br />ONE LIFE<br />AWAIT<br /><br />(CHORUS)<br /><br />I LIVE AND I BREATHE YOU<br />SO COME TO ALLURE ME BY AND BY<br />I FEEL AND I FOLLOW YOU<br />CAUSE YOU DON´T LEAVE ME HIGHLAND DRY<br /><br />I'm not sure what Highland Dry is, but boy am I glad that the dude didn't leave her there.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-28232964946942550762009-03-11T15:56:00.004-07:002009-03-12T12:17:04.917-07:00Ladies and Gentlemen,<br /><br />I give you the greatest video of all time. I could go into detail on why, but if you are too dense to understand the video's awesomeness, then you are not worthy to hang out on the mean streets of Apache Juntion.<br /><br />If you still need some clues as to what makes a video awesome, here are some keys:<br /><br />Wailing Vocals-Check<br />Magic Flute-Check<br />Belly Dancer-Check<br />Swirling Blue Smoke-Double Check<br />Midevil Groupies-Oh Yeah<br />Faux Hawk-Unfortunately, yes but the dude rockin the keyboard makes up for the downgrade in hair style.<br />Bald Lady with moving tattoos-Fetchin' A!<br /><br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qJeqUW-T5hE&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qJeqUW-T5hE&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-36774665360516513642009-02-10T16:54:00.000-07:002009-02-10T16:56:27.966-07:00For Brook<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI_iR1Thiyh_E8iiW9PbPeVUZ_Ji7d3juVAG5upDlg7TAzzJ5HIhM-KCif-HV1z41xpq9EOYy9hyphenhyphenUHcsB3evrGYDWVIl1AlgmahXelALGIMiEzBjPfBKM8xUCB4PbnurFkXCtmTts44PA/s1600-h/IMG_0476.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI_iR1Thiyh_E8iiW9PbPeVUZ_Ji7d3juVAG5upDlg7TAzzJ5HIhM-KCif-HV1z41xpq9EOYy9hyphenhyphenUHcsB3evrGYDWVIl1AlgmahXelALGIMiEzBjPfBKM8xUCB4PbnurFkXCtmTts44PA/s320/IMG_0476.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301321756049929778" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik9fg8O1wjIKuv6X-27VWRJDy097_yaZKSplrStpcOUYuamJlmBBWgeoWzrJwAXFYGOlgXX1DgyMCPlrVAeIipqafGC0ExdNZk9smDr4zci6q1VvjQ6wqACgRa1CoeAhDRvjNep1Rmd_M/s1600-h/IMG_0472.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik9fg8O1wjIKuv6X-27VWRJDy097_yaZKSplrStpcOUYuamJlmBBWgeoWzrJwAXFYGOlgXX1DgyMCPlrVAeIipqafGC0ExdNZk9smDr4zci6q1VvjQ6wqACgRa1CoeAhDRvjNep1Rmd_M/s320/IMG_0472.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301321749460823330" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaazFPchUqP5sVS4m-P47IeQFsy_rQJ7tvLI37xIE1DQ5a4GmzOCrMvyPqR4w_-JVXeUvtp0JdjcYNE4UFZoEHjRZSDuLmdf4BBncFyRCWSZvr-2JE77aWMBMm6_FqAGY8ruJk6goqdA8/s1600-h/IMG_0470.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaazFPchUqP5sVS4m-P47IeQFsy_rQJ7tvLI37xIE1DQ5a4GmzOCrMvyPqR4w_-JVXeUvtp0JdjcYNE4UFZoEHjRZSDuLmdf4BBncFyRCWSZvr-2JE77aWMBMm6_FqAGY8ruJk6goqdA8/s320/IMG_0470.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301321748460580114" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-53636234322105841442008-12-18T13:05:00.001-07:002008-12-18T13:05:35.927-07:00Year in ReviewTo our friends and family:<br /><br />It’s hard to believe the 2008 is almost over. This year has gone by so fast. It’s amazing how so much can change in what seems the blink of an eye. 2008 seemed like an uneventful year but in looking back there were some awesome things that happened. <br /><br />Our family continues to be involved in foster care. This year our Itty Bitty, Brittany was successfully reunited with her father. While it’s always good to see the parents step up and get their life straight, it always hurts when you lose children that you’ve opened up your heart to and have taken care of for so long. Brittany was such an awesome little girl who blossomed in our home and it was tough to say goodbye. However like it happens so many times, when one door closes, the Lord opens another. We welcomed into our home a brand new baby girl in the spring. We got her straight from the hospital, since she didn’t have a name when we got her, we nick named her Hannah. She is the happiest baby I’ve seen since our Ty Ty was little. She is just the best baby. And the good news is that there is a very real chance that we will get to make her a permanent part of our family and adopt her. So please keep us in your prayers that she is able to join our family. <br /><br />A few moths later we got a call to take care of a couple of sisters, Sariah and Fantasia who were 2 ½ and 1 ½. Of course we said yes. They’ve been a treat to have. Sariah is always smiling and singing, while Fantasia is always doing the cutest little dance. About a month ago CPS called again and said, “Hey, The girls just had a baby brother born, will you take him?” Brook was wise in not asking me, and she of course said yes. So now we also have a little baby boy named Roosevelt. I call him Rosy after Rosy Grier and Brook calls him RJ (Roosevelt Junior). <br /><br />So for those keeping track, we now at the time this letter is being written have an 8 year old, a 3 year old, almost 2 year old, a 9 month old, and a one month old. Brook and I actually took our little troop on a trip to Colorado for Thanksgiving. You haven’t lived until you’ve taken a 9 hour drive with 5 kids.<br /><br />The only adventure we took this year was a trip to Grand Junction, which meant me facing my fear and drive on the million dollar highway through Silverton and Ouray. It really wasn’t so bad if you keep your eyes closed. Tightly. And think of something pleasant and distracting, like fried cheese. <br /><br />I would say though the biggest news of they year is that Tyler turned 8 and decided to be baptized. We are so proud of him. He continues to grow and become everything we ever wanted in a son. He is smart, funny, and most of all he has the biggest heart of any child I’ve ever known. He is the perfect big brother for the parade of children that come through our house. He loves them all. <br /><br />I can’t close this letter without expressing our love for our Savior Jesus Christ. It’s his love and watchful eye that has got us through the rough spots the last couple of years. We have a testimony of His mission and His Gospel. We are so grateful that he was willing to come down and be born. Let us take some time this Christmas season and ponder how wonderful it is to have a personal Savior. <br /><br />We love you all and wish all the best.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />The Thomas FamilyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-38834148296078108332008-11-07T08:18:00.002-07:002008-11-07T08:23:37.912-07:00Welcome to the U.S.S.A.I spent election day hunting whitetail in beautiful Missouri with my best friend. As we would periodically listen to the results, the realization came to me that we must be the dumbest country on the face of the planet. God gave us this great gift and we have rejected it completely so that those without can take from those that do.<br /><br />It's as if the Democratic Party and the Media created a Golden Calf and the country dropped everything to worship it.<br /><br />In fact I think we should replace the Eagle as the symbol of this once proud country to a fat cow with a ring in its nose.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-73616570732887717022008-07-23T17:17:00.008-07:002008-07-23T17:59:00.532-07:00Why FanBoys despise the mainstream.First I would like to say that The Dark Knight was a phenomenal movie. Everything that has been said about the film and the performances are absolutely true. While the feelings are still fresh, I'm of the thought that this might surpass Unbreakable as my favorite comic book film of all time. Maybe. This screed isn't against the film.<br /><br />The last week was an exercise in futility as I tried to experience this film in the Imax theater here in town. I decided last night to see it in a regular theater after 4 attempts for the Imax viewing were foiled by computer glitches, theater worker error, craigs list, and thousands of mainstream fans who came to gawk at the final acting performance of a B level actor. I would like everyone to understand that while The Dark Knight is a great movie and Heath Ledgers performance as The Joker is legendary, this movie would not open this big without his death. Period. End of Story. Would anyone be talking about Oscar nominations for him if he was alive? It's Batman for heavens sake. It's not Star Wars. This movie grossed more in it's first weekend than Batman Begins did in it's entire run.<br /><br />The opening this movie received does not equal its standing in the fan boy universe, at least not mine. I was blocked from seeing this movie by thousands of people who truly don't give a crap about these types of movies generally. They only show up for events.<br /><br />I'm upset because Fanboys are the ones that keep these movies going. Without Fanboys constantly debating and demanding better The Dark Knight would look like this:<br /><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226372094275587010" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkV2ivGbCjr2XIbShdv8xrUGt-0ZlW8c0uhEE2i4OfEpy9C-48kf2aeix10xbdspJhVYyvvgupxCv_3psKQ4sOwSx13XfNka99Ja8jhHeRzedRH0yKmjjpToaq9cuGlZryfwn-5IHcFIw/s320/TDK.jpg" border="0" />The reason the quality of genre movies has increased is because we finally have FanBoys in the directors seat. It's a great time to be a movie fan, except when "The Movie of the Year" comes out, then you get pushed to the side by husbands and wives who saw the last Batman for the first time on TNT last night so they can get, you know, caught up on the story and stuff. </p><p>Where were these idiots last week at Hellboy2? Why didn't they support The Chronicles of Riddick so I can see the rest of the story? Heck, where were they for Batman Begins? How many of them saw the Watchmen trailer and didn't think twice about it? Pretty much all of them because they don't care that it was Batman and the Joker, they only care that they don't want to get left out of the water cooler talk. The fact that no one was in the regular screening of the movie only drives this point home. I can imagine this conversation happening in cubicle across the nation this week:</p><p>Poser 1: Did you see The Batman this weekend?</p><p>Poser 2: Yeah it was totally rad! The Brokeback dude was stupendous as the Joker.</p><p>Poser 1: Well I saw it at the Imax, the way that movies are meant to be seen.</p><p>Poser 2: Bitchin!</p><p>I think I should write my congressman and demand a law that says that if you didn't pay to see 3 sci-fi and/or superhero movies in the last 6 months you can't go opening weekend. I mean Congress isn't doing anything else of value at the moment.</p><p>To sum it up:</p><p>The Dark Knight-Awesome</p><p>Heath Ledger as the Joker-Awesome</p><p>The Jokers disappearing pencil trick-Triple Awesome</p><p>Batmans's sore throat-Not so good</p><p>The 700 Yuppie couples that banished me to the regular theatre-You suck goat testicles!<br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-2470671067620541052008-06-24T16:54:00.003-07:002008-06-24T17:00:35.740-07:00Lost Chapter from Stranger in a Strange Land“Because it’s fun!” Jubal expounded.<br /><br />Mike had not yet grokked the concept of fun. He was bewildered at the amount of effort that this race devoted to entertainment. As a nestling his sole concern was surviving the harsh Martian landscape. Once he was admitted into the nest what free time he had after doing the Old One’s bidding and cleaning the nest of his water brother’s excretions was spent grokking the fullness of the universe. The idea of a fair baffled him as Martians had no such events.<br /><br />“Oh Mike, it’s a wonderful place full of rides and games and sweet cotton candy.” Jill squealed.<br /><br />Mike digested Jill’s comment and did not grok sweetness. When he ate his first shirt whose primary material was cotton the primary sensation was not one of sweetness.<br /><br />Duke threw in his two cents: “I hear this fair has a naked lady completely covered in tattoo’s from the neck down. And the only thing covering her is a big ol snake. Yowza.”<br /><br />“Duke, he doesn’t need to see that!” Jill reprimanded him. “Mike you just need to try the food. It’s a wonderland of stick mounted edibles. You'll then see how wonderful that carnival is.” She added.<br /><br />“It will be good for you to get out and see some of the real world and meet some people other than this crusty old goat and my three lazy assistants.” Jubal said.<br /><br />“Front!” Jubal bellowed.<br /><br />Dorcas came running in still dripping from the pool with the steno device. “Yes, boss. What’s up?”<br /><br />“Take this down,” Jubal Commanded. “New hit show for the networks titled ‘Cletus: The Early Years. No, strike that. Title it: ‘…But you can’t take the Hill out of Billy’. It will be about the amusing adventures of a hillbilly boy taken from the backwoods of Kentucky, who has never met anyone other than his family, and dropped into New York City.”<br /><br />“Boss that sounds an awful lot like the Beverly Hillbilly’s” Dorcas pointed out.<br /><br />Jubal looked at Mike and thought for a minute. He then announced: “What makes this fish out of water story different is it will break all sorts of societal taboos”<br /><br />Duke wondered what kind of societal taboos that an inbred hillbilly would break and if they needed breaking.<br /><br />Jubal continued to ponder out loud. “It’s still missing something. What is it? I got it! Cletus has two heads and an old Winnebago. It’s genius! Put out feelers to the networks and get a bidding war going.”<br /><br />“Now lets gat back to the fair, Mike.” Jubal said.<br /><br />“We’re going to the fair?” Dorcas asked with delight.<br /><br />“Not unless I decide that you and your two accomplices stay here and get some work done for once.” Jubal chided her.<br /><br />“Oh come on you old fuddy duddy. I’m going to go get the girls and get dressed. There’s a big ol pickle on a stick calling my name” Dorcas said.<br /><br />Both Jubal and Duke thought of particularly inappropriate responses to the pickle reference while Mike attempted to grok the brining process.<br /><br />“Duke, bring the hover car around. Jill, find Mike some clothes that will somewhat hide his identity. I don’t mind him getting pick pocketed at the fair, but if they realize that The Man From Mars was there he’d be mobbed by hordes of fairgoers wanting to see someone famous and dozens of unbathed carnies looking to hock their wares.” Jubal commanded.<br /><br />Duke landed the Hover Car carefully avoiding Jubal’s roses. He had made that mistake only once. Jubal, Mike, Jill, Dorcas, and Jubal’s other two secretaries Anne and Miriam loaded into the hover car. There was a sense of excitement in the air as Jubal Harshaw did not take flights of fancy like this very often. The conversation drifted back and forth between what skewered food would be devoured and what ride they would take.<br /><br />The Man From Mars marveled at the varied landscape of this planet. He saw great beauty in all the things his eyes took in. He was considering going into one of his trances to grok this landscape when his waterbrother Jubal spoke to him.<br /><br />“Now listen Son. There will be people there willing to offer you water in a variety of flavors. Don’t partake. They are dirty carnie folk that want to make a quick buck. They know nothing of water sharing and would take advantage should they ever know what water sharing meant. Plus they wash their underwear in the lemonade water.” Jubal instructed Mike. “If you don’t grok just ask Jill or I what to do.” He added.<br /><br />“Thank you Jubal. My water is your water.” Mike replied.<br /><br />The Hover Car landed at the Fair and the group unloaded. They quickly entered the fair and split up with Jill staying close to Mikes side. They walked up to the softball toss. Mike saw that the circumference of the softball was large enough to prohibit any throw to go into the large metal milk containers unless it arrived in a very specific trajectory and grokked that this is wrongness and made the containers disappear. The carnie operating the booth started screaming at Mike and Jill deciding someone had to be blamed over his milk cartons and he was dang sure it wasn’t going to be him. He suddenly found himself in a cloudy place standing next to his milk cans.<br /><br />Jubal wandered over to the food trailers and decided that his sweet tooth needed to be satiated. He ordered a deep fried Snickers bar. As he bit into it, he was overcome with the need to express his feelings in poetry.<br /><br />“Front.” He yelled and Anne came up behind him<br /><br />“Yes sir.” She said.<br /><br />“Are you ready to dictate?” He asked.<br /><br />“Always sir” Anne replied.<br /><br />Jubal cleared his throat. “It’s a poem that we’ll sell to Harper’s. “<br /><br />“Dark lava flowing down.<br />Snow sprinkled over hearts delight<br />The nuts of my love mingled in joy<br />Damn the molten nougat<br />Damn the molten nougat”<br /><br />“That’s great boss, but is that Harpers materiel?” She asked.<br /><br />“Good point Anne. It’s too good for that rag. Call up my buddy Bruce at Rampant Loon and see if he wants it.” Jubal replied.<br /><br />Meanwhile Miriam had grabbed Mike and wanted to take him on the Gravitron. The line had been long which had bothered Miriam, but not Mike. She knew that he had patience greater than any person she had ever known. They loaded up and the ride started to spin. Mike grokked the machine and realized the machines capabilities. He wanted to make Miriam happy and began to spin the machine faster and faster. Not understanding the difference in screams of joy and screams of pain he continued building G Forces until eye balls started bursting and blood started flowing from the various orifices of his fellow riders.<br /><br />Mike sensed injury in Miriam and healed her.<br /><br />Miriam told Mike “We need to get out of here and fast. Let’s go find Jubal.”<br /><br />As soon as the ride was over, they bolted out and past a fat sweaty carnival manager who was passing out carnival bucks to the bloodied patrons.<br /><br />“Remember all rides are at your own risk. The signs are posted everywhere. You can’t sue us.” He barked out to no one in general.<br /><br />Miriam and Mike ran to the food trailers and found Jubal chowing down on some Jamaican jerked platypus on a stick.<br />“Mike my boy! Come on over and lets eat. It’s time you expanded your culinary universe.” Jubal yelled out.<br /><br />The variation of food was another part of this planet that Mike had not yet grokked in fullness. Eating was viewed as a necessity on his planet, and other than the joy they received from grokking a waterbrother that had discorporated, there was little happiness to found in partaking of the rectal excretions of the Nest Provider.<br /><br />“I think we are going to start out slow. I don’t think you are ready for stick based carnival food, so we will start with a nice plate of fish and chips.<br /><br />This excited Mike to no end. He had read of these amazing creatures that lived in the water and was sure that they were his waterbrothers as well and would relish partaking of their flesh.<br /><br />Jubal placed a large mound of fried fish in front of Mike. Mike ravenously ate the deep fried filets. He did not grok these waterbrothers in fullness yet.<br /><br />“Might I have more, a lot more?” Mike asked.<br /><br />“You can have as much as you want.” Jubal laughed.<br /><br />Plate after plate of the fish was placed in front of Mike who ate every last morsel until a funny feeling filled his stomach.<br /><br />He looked at the huge pile of empty plates and realized that he had achieved fullness and felt he could discorporate at any moment from the sheer joy of it.<br /><br />“I finally Grok. Thou art Cod.”Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-81815710897239783902008-06-19T21:56:00.003-07:002008-06-20T14:13:30.952-07:00The Bat and The BaldyThere’s been a lot of pondering lately on the relationship between Metropolis’ resident genius billionaire, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Lex</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Luthor</span></span>, and the prince of Gotham, Bruce Wayne. The truth is that there is a connection. Their histories intersect at a particular point in the not too distant past.<br /><br />They say that most heroes and their arch villains start off as friends. This story is no different.<br /><br />Some years ago both men were young captains of industry, swashbuckling their way into massive sums of money. They were handsome men, their hair and clothes always impeccable. Bruce Wayne took his fathers fortune and turned it into several fortunes and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Lex</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Luthor</span></span> took his gift of genius intellect and took the Gotham Stock Exchange by storm, building up and selling off company after company.<br /><br />It is though these activities that these two became friends. A billionaire has particular stresses that even millionaires can’t fathom. It’s only natural that they gravitate towards each other. They spent many nights cruising the Gotham nightlife together. Of the two, only Bruce harbored a secret so big that even his best friend <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">couldn</span></span>’t know about it. It was a dark winged secret.<br /><br />While Bruce maintained an even keel even in the wildest of social circumstances, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Lex</span></span> on the other hand had let his intellectual superiority and business acumen swell his already large ego. It was his disregard for those that he felt were beneath him, which included pretty much the entire population of Gotham with the exception of one man that led to his descent into madness.<br /><br />On that fateful Friday afternoon, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Lex</span></span> knew that him and Bruce had a long weekend of carousing ahead and wanted to get his hair trimmed to look good for their intended prey. The barber did and adequate job. He was quick and efficient and even <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Lex</span></span> admitted to himself that it looked good. However despite his vast fortune, he was a notorious non-tipper, feeling that should they want a tip, they should build it into the price of the service. No one tips him so why should he bother tipping other. He thought it to be a notch above those hoodlums that play that awful folk music down in the park begging for change.<br /><br />What <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Lex</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">didn</span></span>’t know is that he was the 4<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">th</span></span> person today, the 22<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">nd</span></span> this week, the 115<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">th</span></span>, and the 3468<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">th</span></span> person to refuse to tip in Wally <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Jergin</span></span>’s completely mediocre career as a barber. This also happened to be Wally’s breaking point. He shut his shop down and immediately began to formulate the plan that had been festering in his skull all these years.<br /><br />When Bruce got home that afternoon his butler, Alfred, informed him that according to the local news his friend, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Lex</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Luthor</span></span>, had been kidnapped by some lunatic calling himself The Follicle. Bruce immediately went down to his secret lair and suited up for another mission.<br /><br />His superior detective skills soon led him to an abandoned beauty supply warehouse. He jumped down from a roof window landing near The Follicle. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Lex</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Luthor</span></span> strapped to a barbers chair, and an assortment of evil minions. Bruce briefly wondered to himself where all these minions always come from. Maybe there is a temp agency that farms them out he thought.<br /><br />“Don’t come any closer Batman. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Ol</span></span>’ Lexy hear has got himself stuck in a hairy situation,” The Follicle announced followed by his best evil cackle. It was a little higher pitched and lacked the menace that Wally had hoped for, but he figured this was a work in progress.<br /><br />“Let him go. You can’t just kidnap innocent billionaires” Batman replied.<br /><br />“Oh really? He gets to sit up in his ivory tower with all of his rich buddies, while us lowly slaves waste our life serving him and his ilk, hoping that he might spare just a few crumbs of his bounty with us. But no, he chooses to deny us our hard earned money. Well no more, my winged nemesis.” Wally said. With that he grabs a large bottle the size and approximate shape of a 2 liter of soda and lifts it up. “With the formula that I created, I will get my revenge upon the uncaring men and women of Gotham City. I will dump this into the local water supply causing every man, woman, child, and animal to go bald. No one will ever stiff me again because they won’t need to worry about getting their hair cut ever again. The narcissistic prideful fools so full of bluster will become sheepish wimps ready for subjugation. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Muwahahahahaha</span></span>” Wally was much more satisfied with that evil laugh. He was surprised to find that he quite enjoyed that monologue even though confessing his plan probably <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">wasn</span></span>’t the wisest thing after all, he <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">isn</span></span>’t the first bizarre bad guy that Batman’s gone up again. He wondered if other villains ever did the same thing.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Lex</span></span> started laughing. “That’s it? Your plan is to make <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">Gotham</span> go bald? That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I can’t believe I got kidnapped for that. Someone of my stature deserves a better villain than this guy.” He said.<br /><br />“Shut Up! It is not stupid. This will bring me revenge,” Wally screamed.<br /><br />Suddenly Batman attacked. He tore through the minions and ended up in an epic struggle with The Follicle. He desperately tried to wrestle the bottle away with out breaking it. It was during this struggle that the unthinkable happened. The bottle flew out of their hands and flew through the air and landed on a still tied up <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">Lex</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">Luthor</span></span> who was unable to stop it. The bottle broke on top of his head and its entire contents spilled down over him causing his hair to fall out immediately. The scream he bellowed out in horror could be heard for miles.<br /><br />Batman subdued the villain, dispatched his henchmen and disappeared as quickly as he appeared leaving <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">Lex</span></span> to hold down the fort until the police could arrive and take The Follicle to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">Arkham</span></span> asylum.<br /><br />His hate for Batman began to burn with a white-hot passion. He would destroy Batman for what he had done to him. But how, he wondered, and slowly he began to realize that any plan he could think of required him to go out into the public, where his pride and huge ego would never let him go. How could he been seen like this, a hairless freak? And then he began to see the genius of Wally <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">Jergin</span></span>’s plan. He would have to leave Gotham and take his fury out on some other do-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">gooder</span></span>. His pride would allow nothing less.<br /><br />And then he remembered overhearing a conversation on a street corner waiting for his limo to pick him up. He remembered the two men talking about a new super hero appearing in Metropolis and saving some new reporter from a crashed helicopter. Metropolis would be ideal. No one there knows me there other than by reputation.<br /><br />What did they call that superhero he wondered? Then he remembered. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">Lex</span></span> said the name out loud. “Superman”. He would be the surrogate for the pain that I wish to inflict upon Batman. He would miss his friend Bruce Wayne, but in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">Lex</span></span>’s mind he was no longer his equal and not worthy of his friendship.<br /><br />“Metropolis and Superman’s death it is”Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-88774884994759018322008-06-16T10:44:00.006-07:002008-06-16T11:07:53.384-07:00This Weekend<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPceffrn74in7qxAXXto5V9oC7db4gKbS8Xy_gerb3sz20P5RnAI-YGeZsDU8Ka4IKoJfdJGr8jBPJkoFKpZRSdzpqwKvgoOr0UQAXuycYmYWWNWSejuSNNbU8Az_PiOOOGZ3mlixZI8I/s1600-h/rockband.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPceffrn74in7qxAXXto5V9oC7db4gKbS8Xy_gerb3sz20P5RnAI-YGeZsDU8Ka4IKoJfdJGr8jBPJkoFKpZRSdzpqwKvgoOr0UQAXuycYmYWWNWSejuSNNbU8Az_PiOOOGZ3mlixZI8I/s320/rockband.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5212541875783862626" /></a><br /><br />Weird thing happened this weekend. My wife became a bigger RockBand freak than I am. If you knew my wife, you would know this is a strange but awesome development. SHe has been wary of every video game system I've brought home regardless of the fact that the PS2 got played maybe 4 times and ended up used as a DVD player and the Xbox I finally brought home got played even less. We know plenty of couples that video games become a serious issue because of the time spent playing instead of time with the family. <br /><br />This is great because now I can play and my wife is cool with it because she's throwing down as well. Plus she rocks at it. She scored the first 100% I've seen on vocals Saturday night. I even got her to sing some Iron Maiden and Judas Priest. It was so frickin sweet.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKTPJf-IW2yRugY16_nPh6x20FutdaSgf1-Z67ODEONiN4qWQgWq2-La-CMc9m5xHK9O5xjFWrjVV7M-oDa7I3x8No47i33E0oAHc5h9-pPDD0GeqQ65LBu4UBjhyocVwGILawIUnld3U/s1600-h/lacuna_coil.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKTPJf-IW2yRugY16_nPh6x20FutdaSgf1-Z67ODEONiN4qWQgWq2-La-CMc9m5xHK9O5xjFWrjVV7M-oDa7I3x8No47i33E0oAHc5h9-pPDD0GeqQ65LBu4UBjhyocVwGILawIUnld3U/s320/lacuna_coil.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5212542052497376978" /></a><br /><br /><br />As far as the music front goes, this weeks album is Lacuna Coil's Karmacode. Absolutely killer album. Heavy, heavy music with a dual threat on vocals with the hardest rocking woman in all of metal, Christina Scabia, who is complemented by Andrea Ferro, who is a dude, but they are italian, and in Italy you can have a chicks name and still kick arse.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-45707282592809435032008-06-12T16:57:00.004-07:002008-06-16T08:39:38.152-07:00Schools out, The Friday Challenge is inI’ll share two experiences that have underlining morals that defined my completely average academic career and set a course for my life. <br /><br />It was the last class of another boring 7th grade day. The class was choir. I'm not sure why I took choir because I have no musical ability whatsoever, but I enjoyed singing and the teacher was cool. I mean you didn't get to warm up to James Brown in Geometry.<br /><br />I knew that the year was ending soon and we weren’t doing much in the class that day so I asked the teacher if I could go clean out my locker. I was pleasantly surprised that she said yes. I spent most of the period digging out my locker.<br /><br />Soon the bell rang and the day was over. It wasn't till I was on the bus for the ride home that I learned that that was the last day of school. I had no idea. I was completely oblivious to that fact. If I didn't feel like goofing off that day I would have lost all of my crap that I had stored in my locker all year.<br /><br />What did I learn from this near miss? Sometimes it pays to goof off. <br /><br />Story number two is my favorite finals story. In my 10th grade history class we were given our choice of finals to take. A single question essay test which was basically what did we cover this year?, a 10 question essay test, and a 100 question multiple choice test. <br /><br />Well I figured the 10 question essay test was the way to go. It would be much easier to fudge my way through since I never did homework and never studied. Most of the class took the 100 question test, but there were a few others that took the 10 question option. No one was dumb enough to try the 1 question test. Although the cajones it would take to accept that challenge probably would have garnered at least a B on principle alone.<br /><br />Well I slammed my way through the test making sure my answers were long and wordy. I knew the answers thanks to my magical lazy ability to remember from listening in class relieving me of the chore of note taking and studying. I figured since it was an essay test, I should make it an essay. The paragraphs were all fluff with a kernel of truth in the middle. <br /><br />Of course I was done with it by the time class was half over. The teacher skimmed it over and gave me an A+. When the girl sitting in front of me turned hers in with tiny one and two sentence answers she got a B. When she asked why she got a B and I got an A+, the teachers reply was what makes this story a classic in my book. The teacher looked up at the girl and said “Did you see the size of his answers?”<br /><br />What’s the moral of this story? A strong ability to BS will pave the way to success. <br /><br />And this, my friends, is why I ended up a sales person.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-47662688088355929802008-05-22T15:40:00.001-07:002008-05-22T15:44:28.199-07:00This weeks Friday Challenge Entry: CLASSIFIEDHopefully this works. Here is a <a href="http://rapidshare.com/files/116885295/CLASSIFIED.pdf.html ">link</a> to a download of my entry.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-11302265430641743882008-05-15T09:57:00.003-07:002008-05-15T16:01:29.321-07:00The Friday ChallengeHere is my entry for the most anticipated contest of the week. <a href="http://rantingroom.blogspot.com/2008/05/friday-challenge-5908.html">THE FRIDAY CHALLENGE</a><br /><br />This is to the tune of Don McLean's awesome song American Pie. My apologies to him, his family, and fans.<br /><br />A long, long time ago... I can still remember how<br />That Elmo used to make me smile.<br />And I knew if he had a chance,<br />That he could make my children dance,<br />And maybe they'd be happy for a while.<br /><br />But February 17th made me mad,<br />Thinking of the channels that I had,<br />Bad news on the airwaves...<br />I wasn’t sure how to behave.<br /><br />I can't remember if I cried<br />When I read about my electronic bride<br />But something touched me deep inside,<br />The day the t.v. died.<br /><br />Soo..Bye, bye my American Idol<br />Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.<br />And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz<br />Wondering why the tube is on the fritz<br />Yes the tube is on the fritz<br /><br />Did you write the T.V. Guide<br />And do you have faith in a Satellite<br />If the FCC tells you so<br />Do you believe in rock n roll<br />Can MTV save your mortal soul<br />Then you can teach me to grind real slow<br /><br />Well I know that Pam’s in love with Jim<br />'Cause I saw it on Channel Ten<br />Dwight always plays the fool<br />Man Scranton seems so cool<br /><br />I was a lazy middle aged schmuck<br />Leather La Z Boy and a pickup truck<br />but I knew that I was out of luck<br />The day the T.V. died<br /><br />I started singin'...<br />Bye, bye my American Idol<br />Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.<br />And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz<br />Wondering why the tube is on the fritz<br />Yes the tube is on the fritz<br /><br />Now for 10 years we've been on our own<br />And the dust grows thick there on my tivo<br />But that's not how it used to be<br /><br />When the jester sang for the king and queen<br />And Simon busted all those dreams<br />It was awesome when he was mean<br /><br />And while Simon was looking down<br />The jester stole his thorny crown<br />The chicks all came to hang<br />When William crooned “She Bang”<br /><br />While the Pat’s stole another’s plays<br />Baseball fills those summer days<br />But I sat there in a daze<br />The day the tv died<br /><br />We were singin'<br />Bye, bye my American Idol<br />Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.<br />And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz<br />Wondering why the tube is on the fritz<br />Yes the tube is on the fritz<br /><br />Hanna Montana, the kids all a twitter<br />The TV’s no longer my baby sitter<br />Eight AM and fading fast<br /><br />As I stared at my unruly horde<br />The children screamed “Dad We’re bored”<br />I wished the TV worked, Dear Lord<br /><br />Now the backyard air was sweet perfume<br />While neighbors cooked some barbecue<br />Pulled pork would be a delight<br />While watching a UFC Fight<br /><br />'Cause the Fighters tried to take the ring,<br />But the FCC is the King.<br />But now my set shows nothing,<br />The day the T.V. died.<br /><br />We started singing<br />Bye, bye my American Idol<br />Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.<br />And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz<br />Wondering why the tube is on the fritz<br />Yes the tube is on the fritz<br /><br />No CSI or Without a Trace<br />Where’s Murdoch, BA, Hannibal, or Face?<br />So come on Jack and Sawyer, Hurley and Locke<br />Let’s watch VH1’s History of Rock<br />House is TV’s Greatest Doc.<br /><br />As I watched something on the stage<br />My hands were clenched in fists of rage<br />None of the Bard’s tales<br />Could break the TV’s spell<br /><br />And as flames climbed high into the night<br />And the masses began to riot<br />I saw Kevin Martin laugh with delight<br />the day the TV died.<br /><br />We started singing<br />Bye, bye my American Idol<br />Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.<br />And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz<br />Wondering why the tube is on the fritz<br />Yes the tube is on the fritz<br /><br />I met a girl who sang the blues<br />To help pay for her library dues<br />She just needed something to do<br /><br />I went down to the electronic store<br />Where I'd bought my set years before<br />But the man there said the box wouldn't play<br /><br />And in the streets the children screamed<br />The mothers cried and the fathers dreamed<br />But not a word was spoken<br />The networks all were broken<br /><br />And the three men I admire most<br />Richie, Potsie, and Donnie Most<br />They caught the last train for the coast<br />The day the T.V. died<br /><br />They were singin'<br />Bye, bye my American Idol<br />Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.<br />And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz<br />Wondering why the tube is on the fritz<br />Yes the tube is on the fritzUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3265809843549738799.post-9421189025659876522008-05-13T08:24:00.007-07:002008-05-13T15:04:18.416-07:00Reasons Why This Video RocksOne of the great things about working in a cubicle is the opportunity to surf the limitless waste of time that is the internet. While most of the internet is not worthy of the King of the Trailer Park, every once in a while I stumble onto something fantastic. Epica is one of those revelations. Here are 6 reasons this video kicks ARSE:<br /><br /><br />1-They are from Sweden or Finland or one of those places where they eat a lot of fish. Why is this important? If all you ever ate was dried herring, you would be pissed. Since pillaging is no longer in fashion, you have to channel that anger somewhere, Epica said "Denna fisk stinker, oss vaggar!"<br /><br />2-They have killer hair. True Metal Hair seems to have become passe, which is probably the reason that most current rock sucks. Epica embraces it's metal roots by growing the best batch of Metal Hair since Piece of Mind (Bruce Dickenson's bangs notwithstanding). Only one member is lacking the necessary locks, but he has a thick neck, angry face, and he plays a Gibson so he gets a pass. If the years of cheetoh dust and mountain dew didn't clog my follicles, I'd have hair like Epica.<br /><br />3-The Singer is a chick and she rocks. Fiery red hair and the pipes to lead a band of this magnitude equals awesome. For those that think think that girls don't belong in Metal, Nancy Wilson wants you to kiss her bum.<br /><br />4-The bass player assumes the power position and rocks his hair. If you want to be a proper metal band, you have to have a bass player with the chops to play, a wide enough stance to carry the weight of the band, and the hair to honor the Gods of Rock. Metallica's descent started with And Justice for all, but went completely down the toilet when Jason Newstead cut his hair off. The bass player is the Samson of the band and should never be allowed to cut their hair off, no matter how hot Delilah is.<br /><br />5-Where is the wind coming from? How do the band members keep disappearing and reappearing? I'll tell you how, Thor the God of Nordic Metal reached down with his hammer and bestowed superpowers upon them. They have been sent to reclaim Rock and Roll from the likes of Hubastank and Nickelback. Their war cry is "Död till skopersonerna som stirrar!" (Death to the Shoe gazers). I heard that when some emo dude accidentally walked into the fish warehouse where Epica was practicing the bass player cleavered him in two with his razor sharp bass. I bet it was glorious!<br /><br />6-What's the best thing to compliment a rockin chick singer? If you said another chick voice for some sweet harmony you'd be wrong. The answer is some Swedish death growl. Everything is better with a little Swedish Death Growl. Beethoven's Ode to Joy would be the greatest piece of music in the history of the universe if his first name would have been Sven instead of Ludwig.<br /><br />I must warn you that I'm not responsible for any muscle strains from throwin the metal sign and shaking your buttocks.<br /><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FfLtA8SkmVw&hl=" width="425" height="355" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent"></embed>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0