This weeks Friday Challenge Entry: CLASSIFIED

Hopefully this works. Here is a link to a download of my entry.

The Friday Challenge

Here is my entry for the most anticipated contest of the week. THE FRIDAY CHALLENGE

This is to the tune of Don McLean's awesome song American Pie. My apologies to him, his family, and fans.

A long, long time ago... I can still remember how
That Elmo used to make me smile.
And I knew if he had a chance,
That he could make my children dance,
And maybe they'd be happy for a while.

But February 17th made me mad,
Thinking of the channels that I had,
Bad news on the airwaves...
I wasn’t sure how to behave.

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about my electronic bride
But something touched me deep inside,
The day the t.v. died.

Soo..Bye, bye my American Idol
Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.
And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz
Wondering why the tube is on the fritz
Yes the tube is on the fritz

Did you write the T.V. Guide
And do you have faith in a Satellite
If the FCC tells you so
Do you believe in rock n roll
Can MTV save your mortal soul
Then you can teach me to grind real slow

Well I know that Pam’s in love with Jim
'Cause I saw it on Channel Ten
Dwight always plays the fool
Man Scranton seems so cool

I was a lazy middle aged schmuck
Leather La Z Boy and a pickup truck
but I knew that I was out of luck
The day the T.V. died

I started singin'...
Bye, bye my American Idol
Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.
And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz
Wondering why the tube is on the fritz
Yes the tube is on the fritz

Now for 10 years we've been on our own
And the dust grows thick there on my tivo
But that's not how it used to be

When the jester sang for the king and queen
And Simon busted all those dreams
It was awesome when he was mean

And while Simon was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The chicks all came to hang
When William crooned “She Bang”

While the Pat’s stole another’s plays
Baseball fills those summer days
But I sat there in a daze
The day the tv died

We were singin'
Bye, bye my American Idol
Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.
And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz
Wondering why the tube is on the fritz
Yes the tube is on the fritz

Hanna Montana, the kids all a twitter
The TV’s no longer my baby sitter
Eight AM and fading fast

As I stared at my unruly horde
The children screamed “Dad We’re bored”
I wished the TV worked, Dear Lord

Now the backyard air was sweet perfume
While neighbors cooked some barbecue
Pulled pork would be a delight
While watching a UFC Fight

'Cause the Fighters tried to take the ring,
But the FCC is the King.
But now my set shows nothing,
The day the T.V. died.

We started singing
Bye, bye my American Idol
Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.
And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz
Wondering why the tube is on the fritz
Yes the tube is on the fritz

No CSI or Without a Trace
Where’s Murdoch, BA, Hannibal, or Face?
So come on Jack and Sawyer, Hurley and Locke
Let’s watch VH1’s History of Rock
House is TV’s Greatest Doc.

As I watched something on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
None of the Bard’s tales
Could break the TV’s spell

And as flames climbed high into the night
And the masses began to riot
I saw Kevin Martin laugh with delight
the day the TV died.

We started singing
Bye, bye my American Idol
Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.
And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz
Wondering why the tube is on the fritz
Yes the tube is on the fritz

I met a girl who sang the blues
To help pay for her library dues
She just needed something to do

I went down to the electronic store
Where I'd bought my set years before
But the man there said the box wouldn't play

And in the streets the children screamed
The mothers cried and the fathers dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The networks all were broken

And the three men I admire most
Richie, Potsie, and Donnie Most
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the T.V. died

They were singin'
Bye, bye my American Idol
Tried to power up the tv, but the tv was idle.
And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and Schlitz
Wondering why the tube is on the fritz
Yes the tube is on the fritz

Reasons Why This Video Rocks

One of the great things about working in a cubicle is the opportunity to surf the limitless waste of time that is the internet. While most of the internet is not worthy of the King of the Trailer Park, every once in a while I stumble onto something fantastic. Epica is one of those revelations. Here are 6 reasons this video kicks ARSE:


1-They are from Sweden or Finland or one of those places where they eat a lot of fish. Why is this important? If all you ever ate was dried herring, you would be pissed. Since pillaging is no longer in fashion, you have to channel that anger somewhere, Epica said "Denna fisk stinker, oss vaggar!"

2-They have killer hair. True Metal Hair seems to have become passe, which is probably the reason that most current rock sucks. Epica embraces it's metal roots by growing the best batch of Metal Hair since Piece of Mind (Bruce Dickenson's bangs notwithstanding). Only one member is lacking the necessary locks, but he has a thick neck, angry face, and he plays a Gibson so he gets a pass. If the years of cheetoh dust and mountain dew didn't clog my follicles, I'd have hair like Epica.

3-The Singer is a chick and she rocks. Fiery red hair and the pipes to lead a band of this magnitude equals awesome. For those that think think that girls don't belong in Metal, Nancy Wilson wants you to kiss her bum.

4-The bass player assumes the power position and rocks his hair. If you want to be a proper metal band, you have to have a bass player with the chops to play, a wide enough stance to carry the weight of the band, and the hair to honor the Gods of Rock. Metallica's descent started with And Justice for all, but went completely down the toilet when Jason Newstead cut his hair off. The bass player is the Samson of the band and should never be allowed to cut their hair off, no matter how hot Delilah is.

5-Where is the wind coming from? How do the band members keep disappearing and reappearing? I'll tell you how, Thor the God of Nordic Metal reached down with his hammer and bestowed superpowers upon them. They have been sent to reclaim Rock and Roll from the likes of Hubastank and Nickelback. Their war cry is "Död till skopersonerna som stirrar!" (Death to the Shoe gazers). I heard that when some emo dude accidentally walked into the fish warehouse where Epica was practicing the bass player cleavered him in two with his razor sharp bass. I bet it was glorious!

6-What's the best thing to compliment a rockin chick singer? If you said another chick voice for some sweet harmony you'd be wrong. The answer is some Swedish death growl. Everything is better with a little Swedish Death Growl. Beethoven's Ode to Joy would be the greatest piece of music in the history of the universe if his first name would have been Sven instead of Ludwig.

I must warn you that I'm not responsible for any muscle strains from throwin the metal sign and shaking your buttocks.