How The Mean Streets Roll

I remember reading about some swank Japanese hotel where they had heated toilet seats. Now that might sound a bit extravagant and over the top, but let me tell you, you don't have to fly across the Pacific to enjoy that kind of luxury. Here on the Mean Streets of Apache Junction we live the high life too and best of all my friends, it's free.

I'm sure you're saying to yourself "This is impossible. Apache Junction is the trailer park capital of the southwest". I can tell you it is possible because we do it everyday. In fact I experienced the height of such opulence just today.

I ran down to the Wal-Mart to pick up some power bait and smoked oysters. Well all of a sudden I started to feel something big brewing. I guess the Double-Double Animal Style I put IN last night was wanting to come OUT today. Well I made a bee line for the restroom.

Of course I headed for the handicapped stall. I'm not crippled or anything, but here on the Mean Streets we appreciate the extra legroom that the handicapped affords. Well as I was about to open the door, it was swung wide by a extremely large gentleman rolling on his Rascal scooter. We both nodded to each other in appreciation of the perfect toilet timing where the poop baton is handed off seamlessly.

Well my friends when I sat down, the seat was toasty warm and I was able to complete the transaction I started yesterday at the IN-N-OUT. And let me tell you, warm toilet seats are a luxury that is worth every penny. The only downside I would say is trying to hold your breath long enough for oxygen to penetrate the lingering methane cloud.

Lyrics and Listening

We love us some heavy metal here on the Mean Streets. Over the last year I've really gotten into Symphonic Metal. I could go into detail on what Symphonic Metal is, but that is what Wikipedia is for, so don't waste my time asking. When I'm rocking out, I don't have time to fiddle fart around.

Anywho, I always find it interesting how different what I hear when in the lyrics versus what is being said in actuality. Usually I'm way off, and today's example is no different. I guess I rocked out too hard when I was younger and killed off to many cells in my ears and brain.

Yesterday I looked up the lyrics to the song Paramount by the excellent German Symphonic Metal band Edenbridge. When she is singing the words "You're Paramount" I heard something completely different. I mean I wasn't even close. I heard lyrics that were kind of a downer, but ended up being very positive.

Well I liked the lyrics so much I thought I would share them. You see even The Mean Streets have a soft spot for a metalriffic love song.

Here they are straight from the Edenbridge website

WHEN VOICES TRAIL AWAY
INTO SILENCE GONE
IMPASSIONED I MAY STRAY

BOUNDLESS AND PRISTINE
THE MIRACLE UNSEEN
THE WINDOWS OF THE SOUL CAUGHT INBETWEEN

(PRE-CHORUS)
WONDER
HOME FREE I AM
COME CLOSER TO MY HEARTBEAT
AND KISS MY TEARS AWAY
NOT ONCE IN A BLUE MOON

(CHORUS)
DON´T TURN AWAY
BEYOND MY DREAM
YOU´RE PARAMOUNT TO ANYTHING
YOU HAVE THE MIDAS TOUCH TO SAVE INFINITY
COME RAIN OR SHINE
FOREVER MINE
YOU´RE PARAMOUNT IN YOUR DESIGN
A HOPE OF STARDUST LEFT IN TIME

MY PASSIONS RUNNING HIGH
GOING ROUND THE BEND
MIRAGES MYSTIFY

ONE TIME WE GAVE OUR VOW
THE TIME TO KEEP IS NOW
SO SAY GOODBYE TO “HOLIER-THAN-THOU”

(PRE-CHORUS)
(CHORUS)

ONE HOPE
ONE FATE
ONE LIFE
AWAIT

(CHORUS)

I LIVE AND I BREATHE YOU
SO COME TO ALLURE ME BY AND BY
I FEEL AND I FOLLOW YOU
CAUSE YOU DON´T LEAVE ME HIGHLAND DRY

I'm not sure what Highland Dry is, but boy am I glad that the dude didn't leave her there.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I give you the greatest video of all time. I could go into detail on why, but if you are too dense to understand the video's awesomeness, then you are not worthy to hang out on the mean streets of Apache Juntion.

If you still need some clues as to what makes a video awesome, here are some keys:

Wailing Vocals-Check
Magic Flute-Check
Belly Dancer-Check
Swirling Blue Smoke-Double Check
Midevil Groupies-Oh Yeah
Faux Hawk-Unfortunately, yes but the dude rockin the keyboard makes up for the downgrade in hair style.
Bald Lady with moving tattoos-Fetchin' A!